Monday, September 15, 2008

Realization..

I have been banded for 1.5 years!!! Holy Moly! I was reading Bridget's blog on being banded for 6 months and I started to think about the fact that I had been banded for 1.5 years.

I really don't know what I expected I would be like in 1.5 years. Did I expect to be at my goal weight by then? Hell no!! I still don't think I'll ever get to my goal weight.. it's so far out there in the relms of my imagination right now... it's slowly becoming a little more realistic but I know I've got a ways to go yet.. and I'm kinda enjoying the ride.

What else has changed? My appreciation for good quality food. Gone are the days where I'll just have a big bowl of pesto pasta, heaped with cheese and butter for dinner.. I crave small portions of delicious fresh food - gorgeous fish and other seafoods, well cooked veges, salads with tangy home made dressings, gourmet cheeses, dips and anti pastos (not corn chips and salsa if you know what I mean!!). Having McDonalds last week really affirmed the fact that I really do look at food a different way now.. I would have preferred a salmon or tuna sushi roll or some gorgeous fresh sashimi with some wasabi and soy sauce than a big mac and fries.. that still blows me away.

Another thing which I love that has changed about me is my energy levels. I may still be 15kg over weight, but damn it, I'm super fit right now. It doesn't bother me that I do two exercise session in 1 day, where as before, 30 mins would poop me out! Like today, for example, I'm going to hit the gym at lunch time for some cardio action, then I'm looking forward to doing an hour long walk with my husband this evening (the weather in Sydney today is supposed to be devine!). Yes peoples, I am LOOKING FORWARD to it!! I LOVE getting hot and sweaty. I LOVE feeling that burning sensation in my thighs and butt when I go to spin classes. I LOVE getting into this amazing zone when I jog. I LOVE the fact that I can JOG! hehe

What else? hrmmmmm... I love looking at myself in the mirror. Especially my face and shoulders. I have features.. not fat cheeks and double chin, but collar bones! I love looking at old photos of me now, because I know that I have changed so much. I've started to wish that I had taken more photos of me when I was fatter!!! *lol* My body is changing, I'm getting saggier, and I accept this. There are some great knickers that you can wear that sucks everything in so you look flat. I've got a couple of pairs of these and wear them when I go out for special occasions. But I think I need to start wearing them more often, they make me feel good. Husband calls them my granny knickers, but once you put clothes over them.... totally different!

Another thing I've noticed is that I don't hold back as much... I really do live life to the fullest.... like trying scuba diving for the first time. Fat me wouldn't have dreamed of getting into a wet suit (because I wouldn't have been able to fit it!!) and then get in the water.. but now I know I can pretty much do anything. When I do stuff, people don't look at me with the pity they used to. I used to hear them thinking "Poor fat girl, look at her trying so hard... well at least she's trying". Those voices have definitely stopped!

I've got a ways to go yet. But I know this isn't going to be a short term thing. This is for life. This band is for life, this way of eating is for life. Having the fill out has made me realise just how much I depended on my little silicone friend to stop me from overeating! Now that I can eat more (although I'm still way down on pre-banding amounts), I've noticed the old habits creeping back in. I'm definitely looking forward to getting that fill put back in!! October 22nd is over 5 weeks away!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!

Thanks to all for reading for the past 1.5 years!!! You guys help me so much with your comments and suggestions.

Much Love xxx

8 comments:

Nola said...

Well, I am a new reader but I am still really enjoying your blogs!

Taking back control said...

I want all those things you mention too...I can't wait for my band! Like I have said to other bloggers, keep it up, you inspire people like me every single day with your stories of achievments and dreams achieved.

Tracey

Bridget said...

Love love love this post!

Anonymous said...

so what you're telling us is that in 1.5 years, you haven't learnt a thing?

the way you talk about food, the gushiness and the overuse of 'gorgeous' screams to me that you miss your fatty foods more than you'll ever admit.

to sit there and say that you can feel the old habits creeping back in tells me that you do depend on that band that you you have not taken on board any of the healthy life style choices you claim to.

and just so you know, not all people judge overweight people and not all fat people have esteem issues or want to wait til they are x amount of kgs to live their lives.

you need to grow up.

Cat McKenzie said...

I really love your post because I can hear your joy and zest for life coming through loud and clear. I can't wait to be a year and a half down the track and experiencing the things you are.

I just have to say that I read the anonymous comment and I'm appalled. It is so completely gutless to post something like that under a cloak of anonymity. Anonymous, if you've got something to say, at least have the balls to own up to who you are.

Anonymous also clearly doesn't have a clue about what the band is or what it does. So not only is anonymous gutless, he/she is also completely ill-informed.

How sad to have nothing better to do with your time than to troll around looking for wonderful, articulate, intelligent blogs just so that you can leave nasty comments. I'd say it's anonymous who needs to grow up.

Cat

Nola said...

Karma, karma....anonymous! Sounds to me like you may have a few "issues" of your own!

Diz said...

Gee, and I read your blog and was thinking about how descriptive you were about GOOD food. I love reading things that make me feel like I'm experiencing it. Food is one of the many joys of life and to take the time and savor it, appreciate it, is what sets us apart from zoo animals.

Then some spineless, gutless wonder comes along and totally misses the beauty of what you've written. It's so easy to hide in the shadows and poke jabs at someone. It's so easy to judge when you're hiding behind the name of "Anonymous". Come out of hiding you effing wimp...so I can kick your chickenshit ass...verbally!

Nevermind Anonymous...That was almost as good as sex, and I don't even need to light a cigarette...if I smoked.

mjwdec73 said...

I loved loved loved loved your post. Anonymous can bite me - they have no clue, and quite a few issues of their own. I love that you have such a zest for life and exercise.