Sunday, August 19, 2007

Biting the bullet...

I'm going back for another fill. I've plateaued since my last doctors appointment and I can't take it anymore! It's so weird, cos some days I'm tight as and can hardly get anything down, and some days I can eat quite a bit and it will hardly touch the sides. It's really frustrating. So, I booked in for another fill next Monday.

Other than that, everything is going OK. Have been PB'ing once every second day or so... normally cos I eat too fast and don't chew properly...Hopefully this fill will give me a bit of a boost for my weight lost because it's starting to be a bit depressing that I've undergone major surgery for weight loss and I'm not losing any weight...

LBG xx

Sunday, August 5, 2007

No, not the steak!!

Tonight I went round to Mum and Dad's for dinner. I love it cos I miss mum's cooking. They don't know about the band, and have told them that I am furiously losing weight for the wedding, so please only serve me food on a bread and butter plate. Mum asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. "What are we having?" I ask... She replies: "Steak..". I start to feel this sick nauseated feeling in my stomach. I haven't attempted steak since I had my band (hence the reason why I'm boarderline anaemic!). She brought out the steak from the fridge. I had my fingers silently crossed that this steak would be small minute steak that I could attempt to get down... No, these were the biggest mother-fucking chunks of meat I had ever seen in my life. It looked as though each peice was the side of a cow. It would have been at least an inch deep and probably about 20 cm in length. I seriously did not know how I was going to be able to eat a third of that, let alone the whole thing. Thank god Mum asked me if I wanted to share a piece with her... I said yes.

Now, I love my meat... but I have come to the sad realisation that I will never be able to enjoy a nice barbequed piece of steak ever again... and I'm OK with that, really I am. This meat was cooked to perfection, with a nice thin edge of fat that gave it it's juicy goodness... I looked at my plate like I was mourning the death of an old friend. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to get two bites down, let alone the rest of the stuff on the plate (coleslaw, potato bake and salsa). Dad (or as we call him, the BBQ beef master) was very proud of his efforts to cook my steak to my liking (Medium) and was totally devastated when I left more than 3/4 of it! He kept on asking me why I wasn't eating it and if I liked it. I felt so bad, you could see the look of complete sadness from my Dad that I wasn't enjoying this hunk of cow... so I avoided eye contact with him for the whole meal, but I could tell he was watching me.

Didn't get the whole meal down, and I knew I wouldn't. I felt the familiar tightness in my chest and knew I had to excuse myself somehow. Now, a rule in our family is that you never get up to go to the toilet during a meal. I was up shit creek without a fucking paddle and the urgent need to relieve myself of the big chunk of cow that was lodged in my poor little stomach! I made up some pathetic excuse that I had something in my eye... that seemed to work.. So I made a quick exit to the bathroom to puke, came back and played with my food for the rest of the dinner.

My steak eating days are well and truely over!!! No word of a lie, this was the size of the piece of meat I had to attempt to eat tonight...

Saturday, August 4, 2007

AWOL... not much to report

Nothing has been happening... absolutely nothing. I'm living with the band, it's getting easier every day, and there are days when I still slip up and have to visit to loo to relieve myself, but everything is fine and dandy.

I must admit, I have been stable with my weight since my last post. I think with winter and my back injury I've found it a little difficult to find the motivation to exercise in the cold... and warming comforting foods are... well.. they're warm and comforting.. and I'm eating them, and they're going down really easy - soups, casseroles and the like... things with sauces in them, where the meat is so tender it just melts in your mouth and thus slips through the band easily. Now you may be thinking, she needs a fill then. No, I don't... I've got good restriction.. and when I eat the right foods - wholegrains, veges, lean meats and fruit I get full on small portions, but I have to admit, I haven't felt like fruit salads and grilled chicken lately... I know which foods keep me full and I know which ones slip through the band... and I'm just choosing the latter more often than the former. It will get easier once we slip into the warmer weather...

Hope all is well with your band :)

LBG xx