I had a lovely weekend... was at a wedding on Saturday, just gorgeous. Food was OK, not great.. but edible. There was a lovely salt and pepper squid platter for entree... now, I can't eat that stuff, no matter how much I want to.. but I thought I'd risk it cos it looked so good... after a few small bites I felt the tightness and thought to myself... uh-oh... the other problem was that the bridal party was making their entrance at the same time... so it's not like I could have quietly slipped out as all eyes were on the door!! Then the food went through and the pain went away. I knew it was all over and I was safe. So then I had some more... and some more and some more... 2 prawns and 6 pieces of calamari later I was very pleased with myself! I couldn't eat main - big piece of chicken, mash and some veges, although I did pick at the mash.. but that was about it. And dessert was this pastry thing with cream and it was good and easy to get down. I also drank alot of Lemon Squash.. loads of sugar, loads of calories. I did do 1.5 hours at the gym this morning, so it wasn't all bad! Yet the next day, I was struggling with cup-a-soup!! What is with that??? Why is it one day I can eat freaking calamari and the next I can hardly get soup down??
But, after much deliberation, I have decided that I'm going to have 0.1mL taken out of me next time I see my doctor. The only foods I am really eating at the moment are foods that get down easily - mostly dairy and crackers ... like for example, today, I'm waiting at the airline lounge to board my flight, and there is a lovely buffett with fruit salad, cereal, cheese, crackers, tea, coffee etc. While I would LOVE to have some fruit salad, I know I'm just going to sick it up, so I've had a piece of cheese and some crackers which is probably around 200cal, rather than 100cal for the fruit. On the weekend, I was desparate for a nice green salad, but when I tried to eat one, 2 spoonfuls in and it came back up... so I resorted to a cup-a-soup and an icey pole which have absolutely no nutrition!! I am purposely avoiding vegetables and fruit, and when I go out to eat I am chosing soups and thats it because I am so worried that I'm not going to be able to keep something more solid down. I was at better restriction before my last fill than now!! I would prefer to be a little on the loose side and be able to fill myself with things like fruits and crunchy vege sticks with tzatziki and low fat hummus, or make myself a small salad or have half a small sandwich, rather than eat two mouthfuls of something and then fill up on "easy" foods later on because I'm still hungry.
The thing is, is that I get full from the 2 mouthfuls, but once they go through I'm hungry again. Or at least I think I am. Logically I'm thinking that I should be eating something more because I've only had the two mouthfuls.. so I go searching for cheese and other dairy, crackers, chocolate, ice cream etc. Mind you, I only need to have a fun size chocolate or a small split (100cals) or a 30g slice of cheese and a couple of crackers and I'm full again...
I know that when you're over filled you don't lose weight... and I think that's what is happening. I'm exercising 4-5 times/week.. and it's decent exercise.. not just a light walk on the treadmill for 20 mins, it's solid sweatathons for 60mins at a time.
Anyhoo, will be away this week, not sure how much time I'll have to blog. I might have some time on Wednesday evening while I transfer flights, so will try to get on there!